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Exercise #323: Craft
Posted 7/3/09
I wanted to do an exercise about forbidding the “wazzes,” but found I’d already done one! Check out Exercise #241, if you’re interested.)
So for this one, we’ll try something else . . . no -ing or -ly words. Rewrite the piece below, using (ack! there’s one!) no -ing or -ly words in your version. You may add whatever details you like as long as the gist of the piece is still there. This is not meant to be a full story, but only an exercise in finding (ack! another one!) and exterminating (they're everywhere!) word “vermin.”
Critiquers, check for -ing or -ly words. As a bonus, check for the use of “was” or any other form of “to be.” Did the feel of the piece translate to the revision?
Word limit: 1200
Please use the subject line
SUB: Exercise #323/yourname
Exercise #323 piece to be rewritten, 110 words:
Slinking between the trees, he was creeping slowly, looking carefully before moving to the next shadowy hiding place. His blonde hair was glistening palely in the gleaming rays of light from the roundly full moon. Softly, he melted from one tree to another. He was looking for the one he followed, hoping she was just beyond the next tree. She'd gone this way not much earlier, he knew. Over toward the moonrise, bushes were rustling. Quietly, he stopped by a large pine, catching the scent of her on the faint breeze. Could that have been her? She couldn't be far. Shortly he would catch her. Wishing, imagining, he moved on.
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