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Exercise #165: Prep
Posted 5/15/06 - 6/22/06
Here are the “thought-you-saids” overheard (or committed) and submitted by The Desk Drawer listmembers from 5/15/06 through 6/22/06.
Submitted by Ann Adams:
TEACHER: “Malcolm Slater says that the best explanation of an event is always the simplest, using the fewest assumptions or hypotheses.”
STUDENT: “Who is Malcolm Slater?”
TEACHER (shouting): “NOT Malcolm Slater! Occam’s razor!”
Submitted by Michelle Hakala:
Friend: “Usually she just makes a fried-egg sandwich.”
Husband: “What’s a Friday sandwich?”
and
Two women are playing billiards, one makes a bad shot.
Friend watching muses: “Bad karma.”
Second player: “Bad caramel! I had bad caramel once! It was awful, and it ruined my mother’s good pan.”
Submitted by Karen Torres:
KC: “I have to go to the Fedex store.”
Karen: “The fetish store?????”
Submitted by Jo Best:
Dad: “Now we are going to see Quechee Gorge.”
Four-year-old: “No! I don't want to go see Squeaky George!”
Submitted by Orvel Ray Wilson:
Dad: “Aaron, you’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet.”
Aaron: “But Daddy, these are the only feet I got.”
Submitted by Susan Frank:
Asked at the book club meeting today: “Have you read any books by Sharing Cellar?”
Who? Sharon Sala!
and
Square Dance Caller: “Now for one of my favorites ‘Holy Ma Pocka’”
What’d he say? “Hole in My Pocket.”
and
Me, describing a macaroni shrimp salad that wasn’t good : “The next day, I added mayo.”
My sister: “The next day you ate a nail?”
and
At the bowling alley:
I said, “We’re on Lane 15.”
She said, “We’re on a lame team?”
and
She said, “I just got my two pounds of chicken.”
I heard, “I just got my two powdered chicken.”
Submitted by Mamie Hanscom:
My husband, Howard, and I would always say the Lord’s prayer with our sons when they were little. One night we realized our four-year-old was saying: “Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.”
Submitted by Krys Douglas:
Teacher: “What’s a taboo?”
Student: “It’s a nom~~~.”
Teacher: “An omen?”
Student: “A no-no.”
Submitted by Steven Williamson:
Overheard in line at the food co-op:
Woman #1: “Well they say 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'”
Teenager with her: “A woman’s corns?”
Submitted by Sally French:
My sister wrote she wanted moron place mats. Took awhile before we figured out the color she wanted was maroon.
Submitted by Amaris:
Me (over the telephone): “Oh! I scratched myself!”
Sister: “You stabbed yourself?!”
Submitted by Joan Kilgannon:
It was early morning and there was a very heavy dew.
Small boy (three) calling to grandmother, through the outside toilet door.
“Grandma what is that?”
“That’s dew, dear.”
“Oh, grandma, I can’t wee that much.”
Submitted by Francois:
A gem as far as I-thought-you-saids go. I wanted to print the lyrics to The Source’s “You’ve Got The Love” and I stumbled upon these online:
“I can’t believe my palms, degrading friends of you
I can’t believe my fire, oh Lord, what must I do
I can’t believe what I caught up, master made me new
But you’ve got the love I need to see me through.”
In fact Candi Staton sings the poignant:
“Occasionally my thoughts are brave and friends are few
Occasionally I cry out Lord what must I do
Occasionally I call up Master make me new
You've got the love I need to see me through.”
Submitted by Marjorie Sallee:
Middle-aged curmudgeon to young colleague arriving late for a meeting:
“How nice of you to grace us with your presence.”
Distracted young lady replies, “Who’s coming with presents?”
Submitted by Sue Levy:
Customer: “Do you have any books on Grace Darling?”
Librarian: (goes to shelves and comes back with a book) “I’ve checked the index of this bird book and I can’t find any grey starling.”
and
I heard a good one tonight that I just had to pass on:
On an international flight, a man was sitting next to a man whose English wasn’t very good. The foreign man said very quietly, “I have a snake in my bag here. It’s only a little one. Do you think it will be a problem?”
The other passenger got worried about this, and eventually decided it would be wrong not to report it, so he spoke to a steward. To cut a long story short, it turned out he didn’t have a snake, it was a snack!
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